What am I doing?
I haven’t posted a blog since May. I have gotten to the point that I feel physically sick every time I even think about writing a blog and how long it’s been since I published one. Sometimes I sit down and write one, try my hardest to express what I have been feeling. But I’m so bad with words and I really don’t like writing and I can never convey the things I feel on to paper. Sometimes I have a good idea for a blog whether it being about my forms or about class. But then I say to myself “I can’t post this, I haven’t done enough.” “You can’t post anything now.” So I leave them in drafts, I delete them. And by the time I might have picked up the courage to post them they have lost relevance. You can’t post something about a class that happened 3 weeks ago or a conversation that happened 2 week ago. I’m starting to lose the courage to post this blog already.
So other then not blogging what have I been doing? Well I haven’t been doing enough pushups or sit ups, I have barely done my weapon form, and I have only done the first half of my hand form. So basically I have done nothing. I want so badly to meet the requirements but they are so big that I feel I don’t even have a chance. Some of the only requirements I find myself meeting are the ones I set out for myself so maybe I set them low enough that I would be able to meet them.
I’m not sure if any of that made sense but I’m not going to read it over because then I will second guess myself.
|
Push-ups |
Sit-ups |
Hand Form |
Weapon Form |
Sparring |
Kilometers |
AOKs |
|
6763 |
6935 |
525 |
224 |
202 |
714 |
913 |
I think you did an excellent job conveying how you feel in this. Best thing to do now is to use this bit of momentum, however much, and try to do a little more than you have been doing. Just bits at a time.
ReplyDeleteThe heart of the IHC is accountability. You’ve now done this, held yourself accountable. Step two is as Toudai Bauer said; take another step, just a little one, and start building momentum towards what you want for yourself. No guilt. Just accountability for yourself.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog and I agree with Todai Bauer....it tells me exactly where you are. And just my own opinion...but I think you absolutely CAN post a blog that you started a while ago. I do it all the time. Also, a blog doesn't necessarily have to have a solution or a magical finish to be complete. Keep it up. :)
ReplyDelete